Zodiac: Aries

May 24, 2015 – Culture


Aries Strength Keywords:
  •  – Unobtrusive
  • – Easy-Going
  • – Agreeable
  • – Enthusiastic
  • – Contented
Aries Weakness Keywords:
  •  – Distant
  • – Awkward
  • – Self-involved
  • – Impulsive
  • – Indecisive
Aries and Independence

Aries are thoroughly independent. They often keep to themselves and only spend time with others on certain communal occasions (eating pizza, for example). Due to their unremarkable personality, they can fit into living situations easily while still maintaining their personal freedom.

 Aries and Friendship

Most Aries are not particularly opinionated, and so will agree with their friends’ views without much contention. However, because Aries is so self-involved, they often act inconsiderably towards the people who befriend them. If you share garbage duties in your house, do not expect Aries to take a big hand in the cleaning process, even after being asked to.

 Aries and Careers

 Aries often has lofty and specific ambitions with regards to their future jobs; these goals, however, are difficult if not impossible for them to achieve, mostly because of their complete lack of physical and mental capability. As opposed to working as, say, a police officer, Aries might be better suited to working in the DMV, licking stamps for the government on a daily basis.

 Aries Temperament

On the surface, Aries are hard to offend or anger; they are generally agreeable. However, once you get to know Aries it is clear that inside they are fairly unstable. They are particularly touchy about their personal space and possessions – if they lose their keys, or if somebody eats one of their pop tarts, they can spend days in a mood. If anyone touches Aries’ clothes, they can fly into a rage no matter how innocent the situation may be. On the other hand, Aries has no qualms about eating other people’s food, and even when confronted will still refuse to do their laundry. Think twice before living with an Aries.

 Aries and Relationships

 Aries can be said to be committed and supportive partners, but this can often lead to awkward situations when they feel the need to defend their partner. Even in low stakes situations, like their housemates leaving laundry in the machine for like, an hour max, Aries can absolutely fly off the handle, throwing the laundry around the room and stomping on it while he does his girlfriend’s laundry. The best way to deal with this, and to teach Aries a lesson, is to pour bleach into said girlfriend’s laundry. He’ll think twice the next time.

 Aries Deep Inside

 As I’ve said, at the Aries core lies extreme psychological detachment and even psychopathy, despite and agreeable and even friendly surface personality. Especially when they are asked to leave the apartment they reside in for greener pastures, Aries can become violent and dysfunctional to the point where they can no longer see reason – their antisocial behaviour must seem completely normal to them. Even though all parties would clearly be happier living separately and only seeing each other on occasion, if ever, Gre—Aries will be unable to see the good side to realities other than their current lives.

 Aries in a Nutshell

 Listen, Greg, if you’re reading this, we truly can’t do this anymore. This is the lengths we have to go to, these dumb horoscope things you read. Please get out. Please. We cannot deal with your antics anymore. I mean, the shit you did to our clothes – we still can’t get that smell out. We don’t know what it is. Even your girlfriend said it was too far.

So Greg, you piece of human faeces, I am writing to you through this, in hope you might just take a hint this one time. Please get the hell out.



Words: Colm Devereux

Image: Olga Anacka

Zodiac is a project with twelve different writers published over twelve weeks. 

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She wants to hear idioms and phrases from native English speakers and then to respond with art.