Welcome to the world, Graduates! – How To Not Have A Shit Life

November 11, 2014 – News, People
Whether you’re just about to embark on your grand journey to Australia or to use that fresh-smelling Theoretical Physics degree from Trinity in your new Jobsbridge Subway Sandwich Artist  nixer; here are some of the wisest things you’ll read all day to help guide you through it all. Courtesy of wide-scale remorse.

“You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’”

Nobody has any idea what the fuck they’re doing. We grow up believing our parents and teachers are all these well rounded exemplary human beings with clear goals and aspirations. That’s a total lie. The sooner you realise that you’re in the same position now as they were when they were raising you, that you are now an adult in all but self-realisation, the sooner you’ll stop feeling that immense weight (measured in Zuckerburgs) of having to know everything you want to do with yourself and your future. Stop dying a little inside every time you hear of another 16 year old discovering cures to diseases. You’re not them. The ones that seem to have a clue are either actual savants or just better actors than you. Realising we’re all equally lost will help a lot.

“Everything the light touches is your kingdom.”

It’s more than likely that as a generation Y yuppie, your Baby Boomer parents went out the other side of the late 20th century, which brimmed of economic prosperity, feeling limitless, resulting in them instilling a sense of optimism and unbounded possibility in you. So you can sit there in a crusty cafe in Galway reading this now with a new fine art diploma and an old protagonist psyche and wonder if it was all worth it. Well I can’t really help you with that. What I can help with though is those crushing wafts of depression you’ll often try to smoke away. This comes from our expectations of life being far higher than the reality of it. Yes you can be the top of the food-chain but presuming it’s your right to it or that you were born up there will just have you ripped apart.

“Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!”

If you’re a special snowflake and have ended up, or are in the process of, making a name for yourself in some sort of creative industry then there’s a high chance your social skills are currently limited to constantly apologising and a busy walk. You’ll need to work on that. Networking is everything. I’m sure you’ve a reprisal along the lines of ‘my work speaks for itself’ and you wouldn’t be the only person saying it, but in the end, it doesn’t. And letting your ego burn bridges and get into arguments will only slow you down. Being an artist is essentially working in Public Relations, except you get to keep your soul. I’m sure even Mozart had a cocaine addiction. Was Studio 54 Warhol’s reclusive man-cave, or was it one of the worlds most famous nightclubs?

“There’s no crying in baseball!”

Whatever your opinions are on why life is so miserable, it’s very unlikely that you’re even considering your inactiveness as being a possible cause of it. We’re tall bald animals and exist to be active. Exercise is ridiculously good for your mental health. Our bitch IT boss may not literally kill us but we might well end up doing it ourselves when everyday is just traveling to and from various seating arrangements.

“Oh, no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast.”

The day you stop learning is the day you die. If you’re not constantly striving to better yourself then you’re more than likely falling in the other direction. You should never feel like you’ve peaked in life, that you know it all, because you won’t and you can’t. Read philosophies and read about psychology. The more you know about the monster the easier you’ll be able to beat it.

“I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

There’s never going to be a ‘perfect time’ to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do or go to that place you’ve always wanted to visit. Especially if you find yourself in a 9 to 5 grind of ass kissing your superiors, there’s nothing you’ll regret more than your excuses fueled complacency. Don’t wait to live.


Words: Azzy O’Connor